Going on 5.

I can't breathe. Every breath is a miracle that it comes to fruition. I can't see in front of me but I know there's a drop It's every bone being carved into unsedated every movement unpredictable and spinal tap after spinal tap all gathered under a starless sky once there were so many vacancies, now there are none. Now, you are decisive Now, you have a voice Now, you stand up Resilience has become my character defect and the thing resentments are clothed in. I have been here the whole time I have been here the whole time I have been here the whole time Loving a phantom Loving you in spite of Loving you anyway There are few safe moments for me with you but I love you anyway. There are words that I would have exchanged for a fractured jaw in 6 places in their place than hear them from you I love you anyway. There are actions not taken that I would have traded for a year of silence I love you anyway. There are faults left unclaimed that I would have gladly taken to watch peace take place in your eyes You handed me a razor. I've taken number after number for the other side and this is the grand moment in a stairwell alone that I would welcome another chance. Opportunist at best. I see you I see you caught I see me drowning in an endless blanket of past possibilities and too much experience. I see you drowning in the same blanket; different accompaniments; less experience, too much self inflicted notions of exactness and only drops of love. I understand. I can't breathe I can't see My chest has scooped itself back in it's cavity, for now. I promise, by the next frost, I'll do better by an untouchable spirit that wants to let go. A quaking Aspen will guide my way back to the place with one light Back to the place where she is Back to the place you fear so much. I'll be the one covered in snow you'll see the one with a broken finger, only on the right and a cedar heart. I m waiting waiting here at the mouth I'll always be waiting until you tell me not to.