Visiually shoplifting your diggs.

I am absolutely one of those slags who check your digs out at night when driving by and you maybe purposely have left your curtains open or not, to show off what crap you have bought at fucking Home Goods, (if you are one of these people, don't bother, you are not the "quirky" one out of your bunch of friends because you fancy your taste as "eclectic" you have joined the masses and I have no desire to check out your bird pillows. However; the folks that leave the curtains open by accident and have some crazy teak table with a fucking taxidermy fox on it, THAT is the shit I want to impose on. Keep it moving lovelys, I m scoping you out on the DL.

When you are forced to heed the beckon of the unfortunate call to acquire gifts at a public nasty forum known as a retail store and a 5 year old fat kid is staring at you, the Mother is doing nothing but coddling them assuring their mental demise, the shit in you hands weighs a ton, you are hot and everyone smells like socks and curry and you are ready to give heroin an honest to God try, deep breath in and think of one of these stunning scenarios and conjure a chocolate chip cookie smell coupled with a Grandma hug and a Mark Twain book and you will be well on your way to coping a smidge better with retreads at large that are so indigenous to this holiday season. Chin up pirate.