You would look better wearing a fucking colostomy bag.

Last night I was watching one of guilty pleasures (Wife Swap) & there was a husband of one of the wives that was a tremendous tub of lard. I can always believe what people have the gumption to sling on national T.V. and else where, but this fool's choice words were incredible.

The visiting wife that was paired up with this man had an organic farm. The wife was explaining to him the importance of knowing where your food comes from, how it comes to you etc...she also was an advocate of eating what you nurture and grow; I m not really down with that, but she had point. If you are going to choose to eat animals, at least be informed of the journey that meal makes from farm to plate.
This obese sweet ignorant man stated "I don't want to meet my meat. I just wanna go to the store & buy it. I don't want to go to places where I could get organic meat (& or food) because I don't want to associate with those people because I think they are freaks."

This is also the same family that had "cool school." A day where the children were taught to be "cool" & dress in low budget Mid American fashion that the masses cling to to gain social acceptability.

(Note: COACH is NOT a predominant force in the fashion industry, neither is Juicy Couture. They are commercial, predictable and anything you may purchase at the mall has zero pull in the industry.) So these feeble attempts to hem & haw materialistically in front of your said audience are null & void. You are only making your repressed issues apparent & your idiosyncrasies obvious.

When you are in debt, dying of heart blockages due to your eating habits and your 12 year old daughter has been knocked up by the school jock, I for one will feel for you for exactly 1 minute........ then I will proceed to make an offer on your foreclosure. How many acres do you have?

Schnabel & Fabia & my inability to prohibit poop talk.

Yesterday was great. I won't get into it because it will take something away from the experience for me, but it was perfect.
In the meantime, Lola Montes Schnabel (yeah ANOTHER Schnabel) has some works worth checking out.
Hole Gallery Bowery NYC

Also on the roster is Natalia Fabia
Jan 14-Feb 11
Punk Rock Rainbow Sparkle in Gallery 1

Jonathan Levine Gallery
529 W 20th St 9th Floor
NYC
It's fucking odd. Every time I see Jonathan Levine, I manage to talk about poop and my schedule as of late with it; what the fuck? I mean flippin everywhere; at weddings, pool parties, other galleries & bless his heart if he doesn't take it in stride every time. If you get the additional treat of meeting Jonathan when you visit his space, be prepared to be jealous. He's a snappy dresser, exudes Willy Wonka, George Carlin & business savvy all ambulating about as a "human being."
Enjoy.

Tyra Banks is a fucking Idiot...... & here's some Nog.

My God Tyra Banks is the most successful retread found on this planet or elsewhere. How on earth does a model swaddled in mediocrity, insecurity and over zealous attempts to gain social admiration become so successful? The only logical explanation is that the fault lies with you.

Yeah, bored on the couch on Saturday afternoon nothing else on just watch this unintentional ratings giver. Granted; I am guilty of the same, however, is it the price you pay for hating on people for a bit? Listening to Tyra's chalkboard provoking bullshit and antics, does this make us part of the problem? If it's between ANTM & fucking Cats 101, shit....Conundrum after conundrum...
The fallacious ruse this heavy whore dishes out to these poor girls who are really just that, girls; is awful, unappealing and riddled with passive aggressive angst and Mattel wisdom. At best, we can sit idly by (on the couch) and banish her during commercials and post angry tid bits about her on our blogs, yeah? Conclusion: maybe Tyra is worth putting up with to mentally deface gals that look better than us because we are bleeding and devouring every carb in sight. (Side note; one does not become a beacon of inspiration because you have made the decision to don a bathing suit when your not at your best, women do that every day you fucking slag. You only are acquiring recognition for such because you have an overbearing Mother who will accept nothing less than what she perceives to be the "best", $50,000 a month and a vow that you will continue to make money and remain in the pseudo spot light that you & the benevolent people of fucking Kansas have provided for you.
Fuck it, she gave me something to write about, maybe we should just give in, hate her collectively & that will be enough.

Get the Nog out.
Matrioshka Eggnog

1 ripe avocado

1 13 oz can coconut milk

3 cups almond milk

1/2 cup agave nectar

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1 teaspoon ground nutmeg (freshly grated, if possible)

1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Tiny pinch cloves (less than 1/8th teaspoon)

Rum to taste (start with 1/3 cup and see from there)

Cinnamon sticks for garnish if you have them (I didn’t for this pic)

Pour coconut milk into a container. Place coconut milk and avocado in the freezer for about 45 minutes. They shouldn’t be frozen but they should be really, really cold (a little iciness on the coconut milk is ok.)

Slice avocado in half, remove the pit, peel it and place in a blender. Add all of the other ingredients as well. Blend until smooth. That’s it! Sprinkle with a little extra nutmeg and garnish with a cinnamon stick if you like.
Via Post Punk Kitchen.

So Close.....

Shhhhhh.

Cattelan Praise & Kardashian Bashing.

Maurizio Cattelan will be showing until 1.22.2012 at the Guggenheim. If you need encouragement to go, don't bother.

A bit like veggies before T.V. yeah? I wish it weren't that way, but you fucking smartphone users are hard to reel in. Anyhoo....
If you know that I exist, you know that I spend an inordinate amount of time hating the Kardashians. Not so much them personally, but what they stand for, are paving the way for and their efforts in cultivating mediocrity at a voracious rate, their nonchalance about making one's own way etc....

Another pearl has come to me via Google News in the way of the Kardashians are "shocked" about their clothing being made in sweatshops. BAHH! These lazy cunts won't even put on their own bras, much less look into the welfare of others, especially those toiling away so their Botox doesn't run amok. (No won't is correct. It implies a decision, not a matter of can or can't. Fuck off, I know I am not well.)

It pains me to not beg of you to shield your eyes and children from these fucking genital warts carriers, but the followers of these slags will no doubt suffer an earlier death due to life style and sheer stupidity, hence clearing the way for my cherry picking of land and air come post apocalypse, so consume their diet pills, read their "books" use their credit cards, instill in yourself that an ass with the girth of Kansas will take you places, (the most familiar will be to brown man's bed.) The sooner you are off my radar the better, but if you choose wisely and decide to live for yourself and defeat these loquacious wax whores, give your self an extra helping of fuck yeah, because you have crossed over into common sense and a non psychotic space. Welcome.