I m Trying.

A shadow that doesn’t remember its foresworn duty You forgot to distribute among the masses of secrets you promised, yet its ok… Ok for that wave to lift up and over the expectations of what you claim to be beholding to me I know a hushed existence is an existence all the same and I shouldn’t complain, I know I shouldn’t…..but I can’t help wanting more than what they show, what you show, what is presented by a haze that almost has form.. I don’t expect that you’ll expect me to stay the same, but the beauty is that I will…..and you won’t. ….The best outcome for this late, late train.. I hope to see you out more than a window but maybe in the day to day, the day to day that make up a life with you With me With the matter that takes up important space and holds its weight along with my breath on every word Hanging On your lips. I’m hoping for a same exactness in a spindle of an awakening that opens a door we can both fit through….you’re the only one I see You’re the only one who sees me….in the dark, in the light in the rainy day that I couldn’t see two feet in front of me and here we are Here we are in the In the space of a series of moments written before we came to be Before I knew your smell I hope I stay the same in the middle of it all I hope you are equipped Can only imagine that you are, have to be, were inducted into the safe haven that is the caretaker apparatus that binds me to you and you to us and us to all of it. I’m awake, going, going, going, going…. they all touch me They all sweep past the idea of me I’m here for a moment….you pull for me, act accordingly to draw me into the blue, that home filled blue, I want to try. I want to stay. You make me want to stay………….finally. Whiplash on my face equates to a past relived not on my own volition, but an autopilot unwanted….you ask it to take its leave, I rest. Rest a spell for you to enter…… an exhale worth making mention of suits me in a way I was told impossible Unattainable For a torn little girl……she maybe alone for a bit May be alone on her own, who knows who’s coming, mental hygiene will be in better shape this time I‘ll make sure of it. So afraid that embrace is fleeting, but know it’s not, wishing not to wish, afraid to feel you forever, afraid not to…making it not cold, exhale, exhale just to breathe you in This place This place So foreign, so different, so what I want to be used to I hear you, I hear you, it’s in the works baby, I promise….. I’m trying.