This fucking....

How does that look? All wrapped up, sorted out and squared away under the watchful eye of a self declared misogynistic impersonator of a man proper? Seems trite and caution ridden, a path for one one does as he's told. Strange that you would beg that cloudy day now and not then. Odd that you would declare an emotional upheaval in the midst of your own demise ridden future. I must admit, I have never gave all that much thought to your lack luster self induced path of indifference and carefully keeping your shallow limbs in tow, accompanied by a soul that Jesus himself wouldn't deem worth saving. I want to wish your cloudy days into a tempest that would make your Grandmother feel the kick back, but you do a sufficient job of that yourself. Be better. Be better than you ever were so you can be worth the time anyone foolishly puts into you. At least then, at best, one could look back on you fondly. Your a lesson no one needs. Maybe you're the only one; the only one that needs to learn anything from yourself. Fish in a proverbial barrel, no? Its a shame, even all tucked up, the "man" part of you utters its proclamation from underneath borrowed maternal related skirts. (That bit is very important, due to the nature that even a woman's given nature wouldn't stoop to nurture yours.) Good luck in your row boat, I used your oars for my fire. Keep on your good foot, the rest of ya is bleeding out like a sieve every time you speak. That foot is the only one you got, maybe you should keep it in your mouth for the time being....

Says Who?

Well, I guess some would say, well they may say it's none of your business. Others, mainly kin to you, proper on not, may say it is. However, I m telling you it ain't. Furtive as you are, I m onto you in a way your Momma wasn't, say when you were 13 or so sneaking out of the house to going to do who knows what with fuck knows who. I slide past those monarchs, past those lazy day trippers with nothing short of a brilliant trajectory toward liberty you claim you want to know, nay be IN. I know whats your business and I ain't it, nor is my secret soul hush that you want infect with your crude stereotypical harshness; your harshness about life, limb and the ability to exude exactly as you should with no after thought of the perception of the other. That's the business. That's the vast well known secret of the few in the forest and the negated surreptitious strain of ya'll. I know your sad eyes and long nefarious tale of borrowed woes. I know you want me to open it. I know you want me to yoke up with you and tarry this sad sack with you, but you know I m tired, am seeking gainful salvation in a face of brutal shape shifting fallacy and I won't tread on your trip proper to your Mecca of man made, so please, with cherries on top, don't fucking intrude on mine. My Momma DID always say "It's none of your fucking business."

Its all on lockdown.

Absolution in clarity ridden decisions is always a welcomed commodity. However, there are instances when one is so ego ensconced and social, self induced expectations are so ingrained in a person, they rely solely on the mistakes of others to forge forward on the coat tails of others all while utilizing "strong, borrowed characteristics" of others to make their very bad decision not only a good one but one for others to look up to. These aspirations or rather the focus for them is still to collect sympathy, compliments and positive reinforcement for trudging on to fruition with their bad decision. Not only will I not applaud such a mistake, I certainly won't after knowing that I personally had given one all the information and evidence necessary to avoid said mistake. It comes down to pulling your fucking pants up, not trudging through and expecting the sentimental antidotes, but by being accountable, responsible and calling a spade a spade. To ask for support after fucking yourself on another's advice, experience and personal account is selfish, ridiculous and merits no support and zero understanding. YOU bought the lemons, make lemonade the best you can, sans my recipe.

Maybe we should all shut up.

Maybe. Maybe its a crystal ship. Maybe its a typhoon with all the makings of a hermetic peace that is promised by those you can't trust. Maybe its a doubt that is founded, maybe its a genetic defect that enslaves one to the mercy of a transient belief that it is one's birthright to cater to such a thing. The times where you squirm at the thought of having to suck it up one more time, or even worse, not. It could be the best time or the most opportune time to graft that insecurity onto a solid groundless mass that will leave you on the precipice of nothing, and maybe that's the best part. To swim in that deep, black question may be the best thing this life affords you, but the choice of that can be hellacious within itself. Maybe that crystal ship is chock full of fuck hope and that's the good news. Lets watch writhing pain dock and hope to shit not to hope.

So you wonder how it happened. You want me to tell you, enlighten, acquiesce to your primal need to know and you believe me the one to do it. I regretfully inform you that I have retired from the initiative induced lay it on-er. There is help a plenty bursting at the proverbial seams, waiting in a self induced exile you have banished it to along with other, now foreign concepts and breath, like "outside", "kindness", relieving one's own burden by yoking up to another's. These are all past times to which would cure what's ailing you, however easier, shinier, faster is a much more suitable weapon of mass distraction and I understand but will not support. False advertise one more compliant and see how fast I run from you. Stagnation kills, oscillation ensures a lengthy and definitive shrug, ambulance will reinstate a right form with vigor like no other. I am not the one to do it, or assist, but I sure hope you get squared away.....your commercialized death is putting a damper on my breakfast.

It's an amazing feat when the thing outside comes into play, the thing that resides around and wants to go within, but that self defeating or possibly external force encapsulates this sentiment into a palpable, enigmatic energy that can transport the interchangeable into something of value on a higher plane. Welcome to life without expectations, degrees of spiritual mutilation and endless opportunities for moving forward in a real way. This is always here, this decision to make, this chance to make good on making the best out of what you have laying lament, that only you have. Incredible psychic feats being displayed by a cohesive unit of harmony, common sense and an acute awareness of one's surroundings. All of these encompass the answer you've been looking for, at best a solid direction in which to propel your intentions forward in a way that is satisfying to you and quite frankly, that's all that matters. Lesson? Stop seeking out others to fulfill your needs when you have all the elements for that peace within yourself. Get your shit together.

How you came to be so.........

All the times that integrity was playing a key role in my character, you know, building it, molding, shifting and shaping, yours just seem to be faltering and failing miserably. In no other posture than one of humility I say that with a force of a collective conscious stampede. Never knew that in this whole massive and immense time frame we had been given, that this is what one, (one being more specifically you)would do with it. Let it skate on the thinnest of ice until someone else felt empathetic to your contrived and supposed plight and make it essentially, better for you. Along with wiping your nose and ass, respectively, and giving you the obligatory pep talk. Why wouldn't one want to get better on their own accord, of course with direction from others, but not solely allowing a convalescent footnote to be added to every decision. That's you. Withering, dying, allowing, cheating and not living. I never expected more from you, however, I expected and maybe that was the problem.